And here we are at The Best Stupid Ridiculous Movies of 2019
6. Hobbs & Shaw
The years when a Fast and Furious film wouldn’t have made it into this section are long past. I’m not sure when exactly this series became as ridiculous as it did, but we have somehow went from undercover cops in street races, to Idris Elba calling himself “Black Superman” as he tries to kill the planet with a virus. Oh and Ryan Reynolds shows up.
Fan-favourite characters Luke Hobbs and Deckard Shaw, played by fan-favorite actors Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham, return for the first ever F&F spin-off, in which they must team up to take on the cyborg Idris Elba. They spend the movie comparing dick sizes, beating up bad guys who can almost never hit them because they’re just so amazing, and cars some how up sometimes to remind you this is technically an F&F film.
5. Godzilla: King of the Monsters
2014’s Godzilla had two big problems. One was not enough Bryan Cranston, and the other was that Godzilla’s awesomeness was only briefly shown in small snippets of beautiful carnage. King of the Monsters immediately fixes the second one by starting off with Mothra’s birth, and the monster vs monster stuff is always awesome. The rest though… oft, that’s dumb.
You see, the world has been ravaged by Godzilla and other monsters, and so the government has decided to seek out a random alcoholic who lives all on his own after the death of one of his kids because only he knows about the technology that can be used to talk and possibly even command the giant monsters. Yes, it’s that kind of movie. To get into why else it’s sillier would be to spoil it, so all I’ll say is you end up wishing the “levity” of the film would shut the hell up, because damn is King Ghidorah awesome!
4. Detective Pikachu
I very much enjoyed the first live-action Pokemon movie, because I’m a fan of Pokemon and technology, and so seeing CGI used to recreate all these Pokemon was pretty amazing a spectacle. Let’s not kid ourselves though, this is not the best yet is one of the most ridiculous movies of 2019, from it’s premise to the villain’s main scheme. It certainly won’t get an Oscar-nod.
A young man played by Justice Smith lives in a world of Pokemon but refuses to have one of his own anymore. He travels to a big city when he’s told his father has died in a car accident, and is immediately thrown into a big mystery involving a drug called R, crazed Pokemon, and a talking Pikachu voiced by Ryan Reynolds that only he can hear. It’s a lot better than it sounds.
The Most Disappointing Movies in 2019
3. Dark Phoenix
Over the past 19 years, the X-Men franchise has possibly been the most inconsistent of these past two decades. At their best, such as First Class and Logan, the franchise pushed the entire genre forward. At it’s worst, X-Men 3 and the Wolverine prequels, they’ve sullied the names of their beloved source materials. And with Disney buying over Fox, Dark Phoenix became the finale for the entire series… and what a sad way to go.
Retelling the story of the Dark Phoenix Saga, but actually managing to be worse than The Last Stand, Dark Phoenix feels like a film that has given up from the very start. Almost every actor is half-asleep or complaining about their blue make-up, every new character is made of bland parchment, and the bond between these heroes as they’re going through such a tragic situation is superficial and hollow. We can only hope that the X-Men get the breath of fresh air needed when it’s their turn in the MCU.
I’ve never been a fan of M.Night Shyamalan in any way, but even I can’t deny that he has three great films. The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable and Split were all enjoyable, (although Split is mostly because of James McAvoy) so I admit to being very curious when Unbreakable was finally given the sequel everyone always asked for. Obviously, it wasn’t worth the wait.
Providing the long-awaited crossover between Unbreakable’s lead David Dunn (Bruce Willis) and Split’s Kevin Wendell Crumb (James McAvoy) and the return of Mr Glass (Samuel L. Jackson), Glass had all the pieces necessary to be a truly thrilling and tense story. Unfortunately, it’s a boring mess with poor endings for every character, and everything that could have been exciting about the world of Glass isn’t realised. A lot of folk felt very broken over this one.
1. Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker
star wars might be one of the best movies of all time, but this 2019 releases feels weird to be talking about this film so quickly, The Force Awakens was a fun return to form for the franchise, after the pain of the prequels. The Last Jedi was a new step forward for Star Wars that had never been seen before, presenting new ideas and telling us we should ignore the pull of nostalgia.
The Rise of Skywalker is the film that denies both of these. It’s not fun, it doesn’t make sense, and it spends more time trying to keep everyone from being mean to it rather than tell a story. It’s full of pandering and apologizing, and I just ended up feeling sorry for it in the end. At least Jannah is awesome though.